Love thy neighbour


So exhausted, but desperate to post. So much on my mind and need to spill some out on here. I take no responsibility for anything I say after 2230 generally as I turn into a pumpkin; but I'll make an exception tonight!

Anyway, something I have been wondering about for a while now and would love to hear what you think!  My query is about a phrase in Vayikra (Leviticus 19:18) (also sung by the Yeshiva Boys Choir!).

"והבתה לרעך כמוך" [Veohavta lerayacha kemocha] - "Love thy neighbour as thyself"

The translation of this sentence is self explanatory. We must love our 'neighbour' (not to be taken literally of course; dependent on where you live or how much noise they make) as we love ourselves. The implication of this is that we love ourselves. For if we do not love ourselves, how can we do this for others. In effect, by filling ourselves with a sense of hatred, harming ourselves in some way or by not caring for ourselves, we are in turn ensuring that we cannot care about others.

A part of treatment for my eating disorder; or even when I think about therapy for my depression, a question I am often asked is 'what would you say to a friend in your position'. When asked this question I immediately come out with the logical response to the problem at hand. So in terms of someone struggling to get breakfast in for the day, I would logically explain that cutting out breakfast means you won't have energy for the day; that you may end up finding lunch even harder; that losing weight won't help you. Turning these thoughts back to yourself however, can be a lot more difficult. You give excuses as to why these reasons don't apply to you.

Similarly when it comes to depression. What would you tell someone who is struggling with thoughts of harming themselves? You would explain that they deserve better than that; that harming oneself only reinforces the idea that they are no worth anything, that coping with emotions in such a way leaves you in the position of being unable to express them in any other way.

I feel like the Torah is giving a hint here. A hint to build self esteem and self- love. To care for ourselves in a way we would care for a friend. Seeing someone in a position similar to me would make me compassionate to them yet for me I just feel anger and guilt; leaving me in the place that I want to punish myself in some way.
Maybe it is time to love myself as I would love my neighbour?


Comments

  1. Anonymous20 June 2013 at 08:45

    Beautiful thoughts, and even backed up-i recently heard this idea from Rabbi E Tauber and his daughter Rebbetzin Y Neustadt, who even take it a drop further- Only once you love yourself are you able to love others properly! And you are SO deserving of being loved by yourself! Xx Cheved

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    Replies
    1. Rivkah20 June 2013 at 15:30

      Exactly what I meant! Glad I now have rebinical proof too :p
      Thanks for your support chev xxx

      Delete
  2. Sara B20 June 2013 at 09:25

    you are one very talented and creative girl, reading your article I was thinking that whilst a person is in a black place, unable to care for themselves and as a result for others, does it help to speak logically? true we can tell them the obvious, that for example self harm does not help etc but people in the state of mind become very "selfish" (myself included!) no one cares (we think) no one understands and all logic goes out the window, so if we are told not to self harm for example do we really at the time take it in? we are not thinking logically all we care about is stopping the pain, raging thoughts etc, it is very hard to know what to say to someone in that situation I feel that the only thing we can do is keep that person safe, in a protected environment and give time, however long it takes. Seriously Rivkah great post, well done.

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    Replies
    1. Rivkah20 June 2013 at 15:39

      Thank you so so much Sara - totally agree with you that at times you can be so unwell (and subsequently illogical) that self-harm is the only option/automatic reaction. However, I feel it is working on the thoughts when things are better in order to learn more positive comping mechanisms? I'm only beginning to realise now that self-harm could be a bad thing! I am beginning to realise that it is stopping any other emotions coming through and this leaves me in a place that I can never deal with emotions. Not sure if that make sense? I don't think it something that will change over night, but think it may change... what are your thoughts?

      Delete
  3. Anonymous20 June 2013 at 16:19

    Thank you for this fantastic post. It hit straight home, and with a bang:) What a simple yet profound message. Thank You!!1

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  4. H.O.P.E26 June 2013 at 02:23

    That was beautifully written and carried a powerful message <3

    ReplyDelete

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