When Black Becomes a Rainbow

9 months ago I lost my Dad to cancer.  Honestly I cannot believe it has been 9 month already. The past year has been such a confusing time going through all the 'firsts' without him. This week we had Purim without him. Next month it will be Pesach. It was only 2014 when we lost my paternal grandfather and only early 2016 that we laid my Dad's Mum to rest. My Dad was only 66 (just) when he passed and honestly it feels 'unfair' that he was taken so young. My Dad was the kindest person I have ever known. He would give to everyone and anyone without a second thought. He had a love for life and all the small things that most people don't spare a thought to. He was so knowledgeable and held a ridiculous amount of information. He knew everything about anything and if you needed advice, Dad was who you turned to.  In the last few months I have learnt so much about loss. Grief is not something one can describe or explain. Going through the process with my family, it is o

 12 years ago I started a blog to detail my journey into 'recovery' from mental illness.  In the years I wrote on here I received so much support and love through these pages and I liked to think that I helped someone somewhere in the world to feel less alone. In 2016 I went through a horrendous trauma at the hands of my local NHS mental health Trust. I found it almost impossible to open up about this as it was the people who were meant to help me in crisis that lead me to such a distressing place. I went through a court case and had to speak in front of a judge and jury of the assault that happened to me. I lost my ability to speak out after that. I was scared, alone and afraid. I almost lost my life more than once after this. It may have been 8 years since the assault but I still relive the trauma I went through almost daily. Finding others who have been in similar situations has once again made me feel stronger in the fight to be heard - our experiences should not be for not