When Black Becomes a Rainbow

Had a team meeting at work today and I realised I had been doing this job now for almost 8 months and I still don't know everything that is expected of me. It is a scary feeling for me. I'm normally the one who seems confident in what I am doing and I need to feel in control. I felt so lost today. I really love the people I work with and I am really enjoying the work I do, but because the past 6-8 months have been such a rollercoaster, I have been off work more than I have been there. It is hard not to feel anxious when tables and graphs measuring how well each team within my department are doing and  I don't even understand the numbers never mind how I come into the picture.  Apparently I need to write a list of objectives for the director. The only objective that springs to mind is to keep getting up in the morning to get to work and staying at work for my full hours... A feat I'm proud of sometimes. I just  don't think the director will see it quite in the same

So, my law exam is over and I have time to breathe...a nd think. I preferred thinking about law - much simpler. Every legal principle has a plan, a structure to follow and once the structure is followed, the legal decision can be made. A+B=C - simples! Sometimes it would be slightly more complicated such as A+B+Z+F+U*8-R+S=C;  although a long drawn out essay, still a similar kinda thing.  If only life had such structure.  All I want is a plan, a direction even just a peek into the next year.  But it all seems so confusing.  I know to some extent what lies ahead of us very much depends on what we desire, but what if there are conflicting decisions? One part of the person wants one thing and the other part wants something entirely different? I guess that when faced with this conflict, numbness comes in handy. Not to feel, or think, but for there just to be silence, nothing.  After a marathon of learning hundreds of legal cases and legal definitions all that is left in