It was meant to be

Gosh!  It has almost been a month since I wrote my first post.  How time flies!

I promised on that first post that I would let everyone see the real me.  To be perfectly honest, it is getting a little harder trying to explain things that are going on in my life without holding back.  I don't want to upset people; no one is to blame for what I have been through, it was meant to happen.  I don't want anyone to feel that things could have been different - if they were meant to be different they would have been!

When I shared this blog with my classmates from school, many expressed guilt at their lack of knowledge of what I had been through. All I could answer was that I had no idea either! The clinical depression really only came to a head in sixth form and because it deteriorated pretty quickly, it would have been difficult for anyone in school to have been able to help before it got so bad. When I look back, I remember very little from that year in school.  All I wanted to do was keep myself away from people.  I had no energy to do anything most days. Really, I didn't give anyone a chance to help me.  So no blame there!

Similarly, all those who tried to get me help when I was younger and all those who tried so hard to help me themselves; I never rejected it because you were doing it wrong, or because I didn't want you near me; but trying to battle on my own was all I knew and all I could see as the way forward.  You did all you could and you should never feel otherwise!

Right, so my lecturing over now and I think I will start afresh on a new post with my next topic!

Thank you...

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