The Autistic Spectrum

I really hate this time of year. Sadly I don't remember a time that I didn't.

Pesach is not easy when you have mental health problems, and although I no longer struggle in the way I used to struggle with my eating, I do still remember the difficulties I had in having to adapt to a different diet and restrictions.

Pesach is also hard if you struggle to adapt to change in general. All holidays have this added stress of life not going on as normal - day to day life is disrupted and there is a lack of structure which is hard to get used to. Holidays are therefore harder than normal for those with adjustment disorders or Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

Something I have not mentioned on here before (and have not told many people at all), is that I have recently been diagnosed with a form of autism known as Pervasive Developmental Disorder, a condition similar to Asperger's Syndrome. I haven't been so open about this until now as I have not known how to explain it. I am not embarrassed of the label - if anything, I am more open to explaining the condition and its effects than I have been with any other diagnosis I have been previously blessed with!

I will try explain a little about the condition here, but if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here and I can try explain a little more.

Autism is a lifelong condition which affects almost every aspect of a person's life. Someone with autism will have a different way of thinking, communicating and processing than someone without. Autism is a spectrum condition meaning that there are varying levels of severity of the condition. On the one end of the spectrum there may be someone who is unable to carry out any activities of daily living independently including talking and walking. On the other end of the spectrum, there may be someone who manages most daily living tasks, but finds certain aspects more difficult than a 'neurotypical' - a person without developmental difficulties. Every person with an ASD diagnosis will have different struggles, but will also have different qualities. Many of those with a diagnosis of Asperger's actually have a higher intelligence and many have special interests - in depth knowledge of specific topics they are interested in.

There is no cure; one cannot recover or get better.  Autism is not an illness, it is a developmental condition one is born with. Although there is no cure, this label is not a life sentence. It may sometimes feel that you are in a foreign country, with no-one talking your language. The answer may not be to 'cure you', but to teach you to talk the language so you can understand those around you.

Autism affects an individual's communication - some may struggle to verbally communicate. That is why the written word is so amazing. I communicate a lot better in writing than I do when talking to a person. Part of this is because it means I have the time to explain what I need to say, whereas in a face to face conversation there is an expectation to reply immediately.  It also somehow makes sense to me in black and white. The spoken word is intangible and it is hard to visualise what someone is trying to say when speaking. I may also be constantly on edge whilst talking to a person as I am looking for social cues that neurotypical people use. If you struggle to verbalise - write! Try it and see for yourself.

Those with autism may have heightened senses including smell, touch, sight and sound. It is important to learn how this affects your day to day life and work out a way of adapting your surroundings to suit this. Personally, I find noises and smells to be the most difficult to deal with. I get stressed at any noise, so headphones are the answer to a lot of my problems. Blocking out the noises with music allows me to carry on my life in my own bubble. If I am unable to block these noises out, I can get very distressed. I can now see how much this has affected my mental health. When I am stressed, I may feel overwhelmed and this may lead to a deterioration of my mental health.

Another part of communication is the expectation to say things in a 'nice' way. However I am naturally quite a blunt person and often say what I think. This is because my world makes sense to me, but your world doesn't. I can't see your view; I can only put myself in your shoes and therefore cannot necessarily understand your perspective. I have upset many a person in my life, but haven't meant to. If something bugs me, I mention it. If you do something wrong, I will probably correct you - please don't take this personally and please understand that this is not meant to be a criticism, just me trying to make sense of the world.

There are so many different aspects of the condition that its hard to keep this to a short, readable post. It is World Autism Month, and I hope that my blog post can give you some understanding on how this diagnosis affects individuals in their day to day life. 

For me, the diagnosis was a relief. For so long I have wondered why things have been so hard for me. For years I wondered why change stressed me out so much more than others around me. Accepting this diagnosis was a massive step towards 'recovery' in my mental health.

It isn't easy to 'come out' like this. Opening up to the world about your weaknesses can make one feel vulnerable. However, I want this to be something I am proud of - that I am strong enough to admit my 'weaknesses', but also my strengths. I am strong enough to admit that I am not perfect - but who is?

Thank you as always for reading. Would love to hear your feedback.