Happy Chanukah : )

Happy Chanukah one and all!

Many people have asked me over the past week what it was that brought me to 'go public'.

The thing it, it wasn't any one factor.  There were a number of events/happenings that came together to give me the strength to write 'live' to the public.  I don't think I will bore you into writing all the ins and outs of what, how and when.  But there have been a few  particular things that jump out at me.

I would say that a very large part has been the tremendous professional help I have received this past year in starting to overcome my eating disorder.  As those who have suffered an eating disorder will know, it gets to a point that the eating disorder is the only 'friend' you can keep near and it attempts to stop you living life in any way, shape or form. My consultant, therapists and dietician have been phenomenal in getting me to see that I have much more to me than the illness and that once I have rid myself of it, I will have more space for other things.  I am slowly beginning to see that.

Another key factor was actually a letter received from a classmate a few months back, who showed an understanding of my illness in a way I couldn't.  I think it was at that point I came to the realisation that I was the only person who looked down on what I have been through.  I realised how good it would be to have close friends to share with, to have someone I could call up and say that I was feeling low or that I needed a chat.  I missed out on that for so long for fear of rejection.  But this opened my eyes to the beautiful world of true friendship* which I want to rediscover. Thank you!

The 'straw that broke the camel's back' (in a good way!) was a shiur [lecture] I went to a couple of weeks back.  The lecturer was talking about relationships and how we cannot just expect people to know what we are thinking, we need to communicate it to them.  And it finally clicked.  Without communication, I was never going to move one.  It sounds so obvious, almost dumb... But it took me this long to finally see it!  Without telling people where I was at, they would never know.  D'oh! 

These are just three factors of many.  But it just shows how just small things can make a difference to a person's life. And that knowing something and feeling it are just two different things!

I am hoping to move all of this onto a website soon so watch this space!

Enjoy the doughnuts! Xx

*That is to say that although I have had true friendships over the years, due to me being so closed, the relationship could only go so far.  I look forward to making those relationships stronger!