A problem shared is a problem halved

So so true!

I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder just from spilling out on here. 

The amount that can go on in one head constantly amazes me!  Just one comment sets off an extremely long thought process, usually ending in debating the purpose of life (like I have all the answers!). 

The thing is, you can't think your way out of depression as much as you can't think yourself out of a sprained finger.  Talking of sprained fingers, a cure of talking myself out of one would come in quite handy at the moment; my lack of co-ordination and hyper-mobility do not make a good pair when it comes to playing netball!

So I walked into Accident & Emergency with my sprained finger this afternoon, and the nurse called me in to ask me more details of my injury.  She then asked me if I suffer with any medical conditions. My mind automatically wandered back to a couple of years back to this same room when I visited for an arm injury.  The nurse had asked me the same question and I responded in the negative. Unfortunately his next question was whether I was on any medication.  I quietly mumbled that I was on  Fluoxetine or Trazadone (or whichever anti-depressant I was experimenting with at the time!).  He looked at me and said simply "So you do have an illness?!"

Needless to say, I did feel rather sheepish! But at the time I couldn't take it in.  I wasn't ill.  It was all me.  All these thoughts and feelings were as a result of ME doing things wrong, ME thinking too much, ME being selfish.  By taking the blame entirely and stating that I wasn't taken over my a chemical imbalance, I was the only one in control and I was the only one who could fix it.

So this time was like a breath of fresh air!  Who was I trying to hide from anyway?  Without hesitation I told the nurse that I suffered from depression and was on Sertraline.  No big deal!  And once again I see that I am my own worst enemy.  No one judges a person as much as they judge themselves.

So I am definitely moving onwards and upwards with the number of people I have managed to send this to.  I feel almost lighter in myself.  It has also been quite overwhelming to be honest.  The huge number of responses I have received are what have kept me going on here and have made me see that this was worth it.  It has helped me fill in the gaps a little and has meant that I feel I can connect so much more to the world.  I just hope it will give other people hope with whatever they are struggling with, that things can change and things can get better.

If anyone thinks of someone they feel would appreciate this, please feel free to send it on.  I have gone public for a reason and the greater recognition this can get, especially within the community, the better.

Thanks once again!!!

x