Perfection?

I awaken this morning to an email from the Open University.

My results have come for my law course I completed this year. 

I got a 2:2

My head fills with overwhelming anger.  How could I have allowed myself to fail?  A 2:2 makes me average, maybe even below average.  And average is just not good enough for my perfect standards.

I almost buried myself back under my covers, ready to sleep through those bad feelings.  Ready to ignore my body's need for breakfast - why would I deserve to eat?  Maybe if I can't succeed in my academic studies I can try perfect other parts of my life. 

It is amazing how quickly an eating disorder jumps to the 'rescue', wanting to trick you into a false sense of happiness.  And it is false I assure you.  There is no real happiness that comes from losing weight, or an empty stomach.  There is possibly a 5 minute break from the darkness, but if anything this break leads to an even lower sense of self-worth and a deeper pit to pick oneself up from.

No.  Not this time.  How does a 2:2 make me into a full blown failure?  How can I let that destroy a new day which holds so much potential?  A 2:2 is perfectly good grade. I have to continuously remind myself that I am so much more than a number, whether it be on the scales or in a course result. We all are.  I just wish I could help others struggling with their eating disorders to see this; If only my friends could see how much more they have to them.  It is a struggle, I know.  But one step at a time and we can get there!

So with my toast and coco pops consumed, I am back to my corner of Starbucks looking at my schedule for my next part of my degree. Staying in bed won't get me anywhere...












Onwards and upwards with Constitutional Law - Yuck!!!

P.S. Once again, thank you to all those people who have responded to me whether by email, text, Whastapp, Blogger, Facebook, or possibly any other portal of communication I may have left out!   I can't say it enough, but you are the reasons I am where I am today... It means the world! xx

Comments

  1. Anonymous6 December 2012 at 11:09

    We love u Rivkah...! Even from afar...!!
    I know how hard u worked for ur OU! And u know how hard u worked!! Be happy and don't worry about ur result!! It's everything else that counts!!
    Xxx Aml xxxx Leah xxx

    ReplyDelete

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