Thank you...

Wow.

I never knew how good it would feel to be open.  I am also a little shaky at the thought that I have opened up my life to a lot more people than I have probably opened up to in my entire 23 years!

Illnesses such as depression and eating disorders are extremely lonely ones to live with.  Every part of you wants to be alone, away from the world that just seems so dark and hopeless.  In some ways it has been harder for those around me like family and friends as they have struggled to help me find the happiness that they can see in life. 

What I realised over time and meeting more and more people who have suffered these debilitating conditions, was that I wasn't any less normal than the girls in my class or the neighbours on my street. I was suffering a very real and harsh illness.  It used to annoy me when I was told 'Depression should be treated no differently to a broken toe'.  I could not come to terms with that.  But it is true.  Perfectly true.

I am being blunt I know, but this is what is needed.  To keep this to myself is staying in my little igloo.  I want that to change.  And it already has!

Thank you to my classmates on my Whatsapp chat for being so understanding XX

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On therapy and therapists Part I

It feels like an age since I last wrote on here though it has only been three days. I kind of miss not writing every day but I must admit I do not have the emotional capacity to do so! A lot of things have come up in the past few days, yet I have still felt this strange emptiness.  The feeling that I have opened myself up to the world and have nothing left to give.  It scares me.  However, given the amount of talking I managed to do in therapy today I see that me running dry of thoughts and words is a highly unlikely phenomena -  in the near future at least! Therapy.  I haven't really spoken much about therapy and the people who have helped me get to where I am. I don't think this is the appropriate place to write anything in specific detail, but I suppose a brief understanding of what has helped me in a therapist/client relationship may help others to see what could make therapy work for them. I think I should start off with a confession.  The therapists and
Read more

Life without ED

Image
I wish I could wake up in the morning and eat cereal, or toast, or a croissant with butter and jam or a hot-cross bun. I wish I could get to 1pm and pick my purse up and go down to the canteen with my colleagues or run to the shops across the road and pick a sandwich I fancy. It amazes me that people can just pick up food and drink without second thoughts. I think about how different my life would be if I allowed myself to do what I wanted, when I wanted without having to listen to the ingrained rules in my head. I am somewhat jealous of the carefree nature of those around me when it comes to food. So why not just pick up the croissant? Why not go down to the canteen? The solution sounds so obvious. If someone told me they wanted to eat a piece of cake or a packet of crisps, I wouldn’t even question it, so why are the rules concerning food different for me? Now, I am not stupid and I have a certain amount of common sense (IMHO!) Yet it is so odd how an eating disorder throws all
Read more

Another day, another post...

Image
My pledge to put this on Facebook has been placed on hold for the moment.  For now I am just going to send it to at least one person every day.  Slowly but surely I will conquer the world! Seriously it is getting easier though.  I haven's lost anyone as of yet.  If anything it has drawn me closer to the people I know.  And for that I am thankful.  Not just for that, but for all I have gone through in my life. Nothing happens without reason.  I may not have seen that 2 years ago, or even 6 months ago, but with hindsight I can see and appreciate the path my life has taken.  I often wonder what my life would have been without depression.  Where would I be now?  Would I be married? Would I have children? Would I have my career as a top lawyer set out for me?  I used to compare myself to the world around me and see how far behind I was.  Everyone seemed to be moving on and I was stuck in a little hole.  The problem is, the more you think in that way, the more you believe
Read more