On therapy and therapists Part II

On the back of my 'On therapy and therapists' posts, I have been asked a couple of questions.  Instead of replying to these as a comment on the blog post itself I thought I would dedicate my next post to the answers. The questions were:

1. "what made things suddenly change for me?", and
2. "How can I believe that people care if they are in fact just doing their job?

As I mentioned in Part I, for many years I sat in silence in therapy.  I was in pain but was unable to put together the words to explain this.  I feared being judged and looked down upon.  I didn't believe my problems were bad enough and thought I was undeserving of being listened to.

After years of going from pillar to post and trying out many different therapies, I lost hope in the system totally.  I was admitted to hospital and it was there I realised something needed to change.  My stay there forced me to open up more than I had ever opened up before.  The environment was conducive to sharing.  Groups based on feelings, thoughts and emotions were run on a daily basis.  I met so many wonderful people who were suffering in silence in the outside world.  People like me.  Businessmen and women high up in the commercial world, first time mothers and fathers, young adults amongst others.  In the bubble of the hospital, we could say whatever we wanted and nobody would bat an eyelid.  No one judged.  

I didn't find the sharing easy at all.  The majority of the time I sat in silence in the groups.  Even nearer the end of my stay I found it difficult to be open to other patients.  However it definitely started off the thawing process.  I had begun to let people in without even realising it. I realised that no one is undeserving of treatment.

It was soon after I came out that I started with a new consultant.  She cared and she showed it in everything she said. It was she who set me up with my new therapist.

The first therapy session I was dubious as per usual.  But this time things started differently.  My therapist suggested we saw each other bi-weekly for a shorter time rather than the usual weekly hour-long session, we also agreed that I could email her in between sessions.    She showed she cared about ME and I suddenly felt the cynical part of me surrender itself. She knew what would help me as an individual and so in response, I lowered the barricade slightly.

The session continued and I was invited to sit on the floor to help draw a genogram (a  fancy name for a fancy family tree!).  I sat on the floor with my new therapist using coloured felt-tips and card!  Cynicism came...and then went.  I did it.  I sat on the floor with this stranger and I started to engage!  At the end of the session I realised that for the first time I had found trust. Because she cared about me and what I needed.

For me it was not the type of therapy that mattered.  It was the connection that made the difference. I felt I could trust her and she gave me every reason to do so.  It was that trust that helped me learn to trust others.  The therapeutic relationship with this particular therapist helped kick-start my relationships out in the real world.

It is rare for someone to go into psychotherapy, psychiatry or psychology if they are not caring in nature.  There were few, if any, therapists or Doctors who I felt were not really interested in their job.  They all cared, as much as anyone can care about their job.  They may not be giving you their time for free, but they are trained to be able to help you and can provide you with a place [usually] free from bias and personal opinion.  No friend or relative can give you this kind of space to talk without it becoming a burden on the relationship.  And although we pay for the care, it does not mean that it is compromised in any way.  It took me time to find the 'right' person as it would take a person time to find the right partner, husband or wife.  We needed to click and this therapist clicked with me.

Nothing 'just happens'. There was never a switch in my brain that just made me wake up to view the world differently.  It was a long and painful process.  But it was the care and concern of the therapeutic relationship that helped me trust, and with the trust came healing.

Apologies.  Once again it has somehow bred into another rather lengthy post.  It is hard to explain things in short.  Every part of my recovery is related and therefore when I talk about one area, I inevitably find myself side-tracked!

Let me know what you think.  If you do have questions, please feel free to contact me privately via email or post your question in the comments box below. Throw me questions.  It is those questions that help me link this to everyday life.

Thanks once again Xx