Snow!

Snow!

Love the white clean blanket it throws over the world.  I think it is the silence that it seems to bring with it that makes it seem so peaceful.  It feels like it suppresses all the unwanted noise and pollution this world gives out.  I guess the white colouring also helps.  Imagine if snow fell in another colour like black? Depressing or what?!

I just wish it didn't turn into ice.  I am someone known to fall over myself on dry solid ground; I shudder to think what I'll be like on the ice.  Think I'll stay in for the moment and catch up on blogging!

The snow reminds me of when I was younger and my family would build snowmen in our back garden.  The times gone by that I have used to punish myself so often.  Telling myself how much happier I was when I was younger was not something that helped.  It is not something I can change.  I was a happy child and I only have good memories from when I was little.  The unhappiness that followed was NOT my fault and allowing my anger to punish myself for this unhappiness will not help me.  I am trying to learn how to allow myself to think of the past as something good, and although I cannot retrieve the memories, I can reminisce and enjoy them.  Anger will get me nowhere.  Accepting myself and my past is all I can do.

I realised a while back that the eating disorder was a part of this desire to bring back old times.  The desire to be small again.  Being a kid seemed so much easier.  No responsibility, no choices to be made, none of the fears that adulthood brings.  For it is responsibility that has always scared me most.  But it is time for me to take this responsibility for where I go next.  For too long I have allowed circumstance dictate where I go and what I do.  Now I am making the choices I want to make and I will not allow anything else to control me.

I have started tweeting on Twitter, set up a page on Facebook and generally attempting to get the word out more and more.  I feel like I have driven everyone around me mad, but it is so important to me now that I have started, to keep the momentum going.  If you are on Facebook, you can 'Like' my page here and if you are on Twitter, you can 'follow me' (in the non freaky way) here.

I am also looking for 'guest bloggers' so that I can have more variety of the different illnesses and different perspectives.  I think it will give those people who have not suffered a chance to understand what you are, or have been, going through and may also help you too.  So if you yourself have suffered with a mental illness, or are close to someone who has and are interested in sharing your story, please email me here.  You can remain anonymous, or you can put your name out!  One thing I know is that I have never felt such a sense of accomplishment before.  Believe me it could help you as well as many others.

And I shall end with a saying from our favourite character in Winnie the Pooh: