Expectation Vs reality

Feel like my posts are a bit like the buses; none at all and then WOOSH 2 in a row!

Have been feeling a little wobbly the past couple of nights; struggling a bit with 'the thoughts' - the ones that seem to want to make me feel I am worthless, the thoughts that tell me that giving up would be a good option and that if I go out running for hours on end, I will feel better. Gah.

Once again my rational head is questioning these feelings. I know that I am not worthless, I know that things aren't hopeless and that giving up can never achieve anything. I also know that going for an endless run is not going to solve any problems. 

So need to think about how I get through these thoughts:

  • I know I can get through them because I have got through them thousands of times before.
  • This is what recovery sometimes has to be - two steps forward and one step back (and NOT vice versa)
  • Feeling low does not mean I am back to square one.
  • Feeling low is a part of human nature. 
  • Things normally feel better in the morning and I must hang onto that.
  • To feel better about myself, I need to at least try look after myself; it will sink in eventually.
  • There are many people out there who care about me and who want to help me
  • Similarly there are many people out there I care about and who I want to help!
  • Holding onto the fact that I KNOW THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT MINE BUT MY INNER BULLY'S - at least I can now distinguish between the two!
Recovery from any illness will have hiccoughs; nothing in this world is perfect and it is not meant to be. But each day I get through, I am striving towards being 'better'.

In the past I have used coping mechanisms that although may have helped me in the [very] short-term, they are not what are going to get me through life.  Using food to control your emotions, exercising obsessively and self-harming just take your emotions away for a little while and numb your inner pain, but in reality - they are nothing but a plaster over a deep wound. I don't want to give into my inner bullies.

I am allowed to be anxious about a new job. I don't need to be strong all the time.  I can struggle like everyone else. And this is testimony to that. 

Nobody's meant to be perfect. 

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