My new pad

So after a hectic few weeks, I have finally managed to sit down and actually write an update. 
First of all, I welcome you to my new pad:


It is a lovely little place at the back of the garden of a lovely family! 

It is definitely a move in the right direction and I feel like at last something is shifting.  I was stuck in a very rigid, draconian timetable with so many (self-made) rules I had to follow. Just being in a different environment has given me more space in my head. I just need to be careful not to start writing another long list of rules!

Although one can never escape from oneself, and moving around or running away is not the answer to one's problems, it is written in the Talmud 'Meshane Makom Meshana Mazel' - meaning that if you change where you dwell, you can change your destiny. Of course we can't blame all our problems on our dwelling place, but with somewhere different we can start afresh. Please G-d this move will lead to bigger changes in my life, giving me the insight where I should be going in the future.

Following my move, I realised that last week was the first week I had ever gone into therapy saying 'I'm happy'. I don't remember ever saying that before. It sounded wrong really. Usually I get so afraid of voicing any form of happiness since I know that it won't last. I know myself well enough to know that I can never take my eye off the ball. I can never just sit back and let myself feel. I always have to be on guard for the difficult thoughts to jump on me from behind.

I don't know when I will go about mastering this, but maybe it is about accepting the happiness or feeling of contentment, even if it does only last an hour. We spend our whole life worrying about the next moment that we forget that there is a moment right now. How many times have you spent an evening worrying about a meeting at work the next day? How much of our time do we spend ruminating and how much of our time can we just be? 

Living in the moment isn't easy. It doesn't come naturally, but just voicing that one time that I felt happy has shown me that it is possible for me to feel good, even if it is followed by a bad day or week or month. I end up writing off anything good that has come about because I allow the hard times to cloud over my judgement. Hindsight is the key. And the more we look back and spot those good things, the more we will get used to recognising them in the future. 

And speaking of the present, all visitors are welcome to my new place - as long as you are armed with a flat-warming present ;)

Comments

  1. Terry22 June 2014 at 16:24

    Nice pad !! Love the post. A lot of wisdom coming through you. Every experience is one of many that are available in the spectrum of the human experience. The key is to have the perspective and understanding to value the potential from where the experience comes from and not to get too attached to the experience itself. That is the secret to resiliency and going through your " ups " with gratitude and downs with " grace " while knowing you are always connected to your essence / the essence of life no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rivkah22 June 2014 at 22:12

      Thanks Terry! I'm glad you like my little place - feel free to drop in and see the menagerie in real life ;).

      Thank you for taking the time to read and taking the time to comment. What you say is pretty deep - I have had to read it over a few times to grasp it!

      I see so much hashgocha in this move - and I couldn't have asked for a nicer family (and dog) to live near! Thank you for making me feel so welcome.

      Rivkah

      Delete
  2. Leah23 June 2014 at 00:46

    you gone up in the world? to....Hendon?

    ReplyDelete

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