Robin Williams

Hey! A rather serious post tonight, but lets start of with the less serious:

Can we please appreciate the commitment of my laptop for turning on even though he has a few screws loose.  Literally on its' last legs and can't stand up unaided.  Sad times. Ah well.  As long as it publishes this blogpost I will be happy!

Now for the real stuff.  The difficult stuff.  The stuff that you don't want to hear and I don't want to talk about (but I will anyway!). Something that has taken over social media like a whirlwind.

I don't know who Robin Williams was. My general knowledge is appalling and I rarely watch TV.  For me it wasn't the life of Robin Williams that affected me, but the tragic death. For those who do not know, Robin Wiliams was a comedian and actor who sadly ended his life yesterday.

Apparently there have been people on social media questioning why we should mourn someone who has ended their own life.  Why would we grieve for an individual who 'selfishly' destroyed the lives of many people around them.  I know this may sound awful, but sometimes I think this way too.  I get angry that people think their pain is worse than their family's and friend's pain.

But then I feel those feelings; I see the bleakness that comes with the hopelessness that is depression.  The feeling that ending my life could in fact be the answer.  Why should I have to put everybody else in front of me?  Even without knowing the individual, the realisation that somebody had given up this battle at 63 did trigger the dormant suicidal ideation. If that man had pushed that far and still couldn't find a way out, what hope is there for me? It did make me think about my own battle with these feelings. But I'm not going to be pulled in by the depression

For those who want to comment on such an act; just don't.  Nobody can judge.  NOBODY. For a person who has ended their life, or even attempted to do so, they must have been in a tremendous amount of pain. It cannot be explained, cannot be understood.  Even I, who have felt this pain in the past, cannot understand it now.  

Please PLEASE be open and understanding; spread the word that depression is an illness, suicidal thoughts are real and someone who has actually gone through with this act should be mourned with as much respect as any other individual.  Walk a mile in Robin William's shoes.  See how much pain there is.  Walk just one step in your friend's shoes, then you can judge them.

Maybe it is selfish.  Sometimes I do question it.  I do question whether I am just a narcissistic, self-centred person.  That I don't actually have an illness, but a flawed character.  But if I can see the pain in other people's eyes, why can't I look at my reflection and accept that this is not me, I am not selfish, just sometimes I am too unwell to even see others around me. 

I am impressed by the amount of coverage this has got in the past 24+ hours.  The article (which can be found here) listing the different helplines in the UK  really impressed me.  

I really think things can change but we all need to talk.  With support from others, I have come through some bad places.  With awareness of the help that is out there and through being open and honest, we can connect, we don't have to be alone. Just one phone call can save a life.  Reach out and try remember 'Gam ze ya'avor' - 'This too shall pass'.