When Black Becomes a Rainbow

Just over 3 years ago I wrote a blog post about my experiences on a psych ward. I wrote about the more positive aspects of being in hospital, the support I received and just generally making light of my time spent on the ward. I do that. I try to make light of things. I just want everyone around me to be happy; and my way of managing this and controlling this is by showing that all is going well. But today I am not sugar coating. Psych wards are not fun.  There are very few positives that can come from being in one, and my experiences last year are ones I would not wish on anyone. I can't and won't go into detail, however it is safe to say that I am scarred. I trusted when I shouldn't have done and the consequences of this lead to 6 months in 9 different wards and some shocking 'care' in the hand of the NHS. Last year I lost my job, the majority of my friends and a large part of myself. I lost confidence in myself and most of society. I still have flashbacks f...

These are my thoughts.   Please do not worry/contact anyone. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY UPSET/TRIGGERED Do you know how it feels to be different? Do you know how it feels never to fit in? Imagine being alone and nobody knowing where you were or what you were doing Imagine not being able to see a future Have you ever felt the desire to disappear? Have you ever thought you were better off dead? This is depression This is the reality of my life right now I look strong I come across as secure and knowledgeable I'm not I'm weak and insecure A failure A waste of space How can I continue like this? How can I be in this world living a lie? Someone take me away from here Someone save me from this pain It physically hurts me to feel this way It hurts my head, my heart, my whole body is protesting being alive Guilt takes over Guilt destroys any part of me wanting to live I have destroyed everyone around me slowly ...