When Black Becomes a Rainbow

Not such a good week. Just gotta get through one day at a time. Be back when I find the light switch. R Xx

Following a conversation on Twitter (my favourite place to hang out nowadays FYI) about positive coping mechanisms, I thought I would take a look at some of the ones I have used and found helpful. On the day I was admitted into hospital a few years back, I remember being ceremoniously dumped into the 'crafts' room (dare I say a room looking more like an art supply cupboard found in your local Primary School than somewhere one would find therapeutic solace). At first I felt rather daft sitting there; colouring and painting was for kids, not grown adults. The flower pot picture at the top of the 'colouring in pile' stared defiantly back at me, as if to say 'you must be ill if you are doing weird things like colouring me in'.  I mean who bloody cared whether the flowers were coloured in or not? (Cynicism much?). My Paint-by-number After a little while however, with a little bit of coaxing from my key worker, I began to warm to the idea. I picked up so...

Sadly, last night was my last session on the Mental Health First Aid course - and as they say, all good things come to an end.  For someone who has been labelled most of the mental health diagnoses known to modern day psychiatry, I didn't know how much I was going to gain in actual knowledge from the course. I was to be proven wrong; the spectacular expertise of the two facilitators meant that the material was given over in such a way that it gave a new perspective on mental health. Furthermore, the environment was so warm and understanding that everyone within the group felt comfortable to speak out about their experiences and understanding of mental illness. It was amazing how this small group of people embraced the openness, both about their own everyday struggles, but also in their attempt to understand what it actually feels like to suffer with a mental illness.  The course not only gave me more of an objective understanding of the illnesses featured, b...

Ok, I needed to catch your attention, but I also do need your help! If I am to get more people to open up about their experiences with mental illnesses, I am going to need YOU to get my message out there. My message is plain and simple:  It Is Okay To talk About Mental Illness!!! I know what you are thinking - this Rivkah hasn't stopped driving us mad - but I can't and won't stop until I have an army of people behind me helping others to open up and share their experiences. So like it or lump it; I am here to stay. The Cheesy Gremlin of Mental Health Blogging is going to be here till the bitter end. The worst part when I first got ill in my early teens was that I had no idea why I was feeling like I was.  Why could nothing make me feel happy? Why could I not see a future? Why did everything look so bleak? I didn't understand those feelings because I didn't know about the illness called Depression.  It is possible that had I known about and understoo...

I'm stuck in my car near Richmond, South West London. You may wonder why I have dared to stray South of the river - no fear; all shall be explained. I just finished seeing my therapist and consultant, and down South is where they practice. Most weeks I kind of like the hour or so travel each way to unwind, I repeat, 'most weeks',  for when it takes me more than 2 hours to get home, any sort of anger management or therapeutic process I may have gone through in my sessions will be left in pieces along the north circular somewhere along Ealing Common. Today I am stuck; not because of traffic, but because I think I may have drained myself of every ounce of energy (and Pepsi Max) I own. So now I don't actually have the energy to drive home! What to do?! Think I have a bug of some sort and boy is it frustrating me; headache, nausea and the like. So I'm waiting in my car with my heating on, listening to the radio blasting out Nikki Minaj's 'Pound the A...

Feel like my posts are a bit like the buses; none at all and then WOOSH 2 in a row! Have been feeling a little wobbly the past couple of nights; struggling a bit with 'the thoughts' - the ones that seem to want to make me feel I am worthless, the thoughts that tell me that giving up would be a good option and that if I go out running for hours on end, I will feel better. Gah. Once again my rational head is questioning these feelings. I know that I am not worthless, I know that things aren't hopeless and that giving up can never achieve anything. I also know that going for an endless run is not going to solve any problems.  So need to think about how I get through these thoughts: I know I can get through them because I have got through them thousands of times before. This is what recovery sometimes has to be - two steps forward and one step back (and NOT vice versa) Feeling low does not mean I am back to square one. Feeling low is a part of human na...

Last week definitely seemed to have many more days that any other week I have lived through. Sadly enough not long enough to write a post and actually publish it! My big news from last week is that I did an interview for Channel 4's 4Thought! I'm going to be famous!!! Well, kind of; I shall be on a 2 minute spot after the 6pm news sometime in April - but it's definitely a start! It actually went ok, but I guess I won't know how good it is until it goes out on National TV in a couple of months. #Eek! I wanted to do this interview for a couple of reasons. Firstly, to prove to myself that I could do it, and secondly because it allowed me to publicise the issues I am passionate about; awareness of mental illness, particularly within the Jewish community. (Not to mention how chuffed I felt about being asked!). Many people have questioned me over the past few months how my mental illness has affected my Religion, but I have really struggled to give a...

This week I ventured into pastures new. I started a four week ‘Mental Health First Aid’ course being run by JAMI , a [fantastic] North West London based mental health charity. Truth be told, I was a little apprehensive about it.  Am I really ready to be learning how to deal with people in the depths of their depression? Am I fit to be reaching out to those in need of a listening ear? Can I help someone who sees no point in living? As the group went on I found myself warming to the idea.  Okay, I am not fully better yet and I still have difficult times, but who doesn't?!  I dare say, in many ways I am more equipped than some of the doctors and professionals out there.  Those who study psychology and/or psychiatry as an academic study may not be able to fully understand the pain someone with depression may be in.  What I can give is real-life experience.  Not only can I sympathise, but I can empathise; because I have felt the pain.  I h...