When Black Becomes a Rainbow

Right. You have my full attention now... So here goes! I have really wanted to blog for so long now, but have found it really difficult to get my head together and even start a post. There is so much to say, but there appears to be a difference between what goes on in my mind and what a normal human would be able to comprehend (story of my life). It has been a difficult time, but with a lot of amazing support from some great people, I would like to call these few weeks a blip rather than a full-on relapse. My friends, family and 5 star professional network have got me back on track and I am forever grateful to you - you know who you are! The lights were turned off for a little while, and what scared me most about this latest difficult episode was that I had no idea it was coming. It just jumped on me. Suddenly I lost the ability to see anything outside of the depression (and subsequently the ED), no enjoyment in life and 'the thoughts' hijacked my every move. I...

Heyyyy Just to let you know that I am still around and kicking. Still thinking about my blog.  I know this virtual space will always be here for me to muse whatever head-space I am in.  However things have been a little difficult the past few weeks and it has taken all my energy just to keep my head above water (to be discussed in more detail in my next post). for the moment I wanted to put up the link to my TV interview I did a couple of months ago for 4Thought.  It is being broadcasted live tomorrow evening at 7.55pm on Channel 4. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.  You must remember however that this was an hour long interview cut down in to less that 2 minutes! A lot of the interview was based in the eating disorder, but I feel it is the same across the board with any mental illness. http://www.4thought.tv/themes/is-your-faith-holding-you-back/rivkah-grant?autoplay=true My main aim was to explain that faith...

Not such a good week. Just gotta get through one day at a time. Be back when I find the light switch. R Xx

Following a conversation on Twitter (my favourite place to hang out nowadays FYI) about positive coping mechanisms, I thought I would take a look at some of the ones I have used and found helpful. On the day I was admitted into hospital a few years back, I remember being ceremoniously dumped into the 'crafts' room (dare I say a room looking more like an art supply cupboard found in your local Primary School than somewhere one would find therapeutic solace). At first I felt rather daft sitting there; colouring and painting was for kids, not grown adults. The flower pot picture at the top of the 'colouring in pile' stared defiantly back at me, as if to say 'you must be ill if you are doing weird things like colouring me in'.  I mean who bloody cared whether the flowers were coloured in or not? (Cynicism much?). My Paint-by-number After a little while however, with a little bit of coaxing from my key worker, I began to warm to the idea. I picked up so...

Sadly, last night was my last session on the Mental Health First Aid course - and as they say, all good things come to an end.  For someone who has been labelled most of the mental health diagnoses known to modern day psychiatry, I didn't know how much I was going to gain in actual knowledge from the course. I was to be proven wrong; the spectacular expertise of the two facilitators meant that the material was given over in such a way that it gave a new perspective on mental health. Furthermore, the environment was so warm and understanding that everyone within the group felt comfortable to speak out about their experiences and understanding of mental illness. It was amazing how this small group of people embraced the openness, both about their own everyday struggles, but also in their attempt to understand what it actually feels like to suffer with a mental illness.  The course not only gave me more of an objective understanding of the illnesses featured, b...

Ok, I needed to catch your attention, but I also do need your help! If I am to get more people to open up about their experiences with mental illnesses, I am going to need YOU to get my message out there. My message is plain and simple:  It Is Okay To talk About Mental Illness!!! I know what you are thinking - this Rivkah hasn't stopped driving us mad - but I can't and won't stop until I have an army of people behind me helping others to open up and share their experiences. So like it or lump it; I am here to stay. The Cheesy Gremlin of Mental Health Blogging is going to be here till the bitter end. The worst part when I first got ill in my early teens was that I had no idea why I was feeling like I was.  Why could nothing make me feel happy? Why could I not see a future? Why did everything look so bleak? I didn't understand those feelings because I didn't know about the illness called Depression.  It is possible that had I known about and understoo...

I'm stuck in my car near Richmond, South West London. You may wonder why I have dared to stray South of the river - no fear; all shall be explained. I just finished seeing my therapist and consultant, and down South is where they practice. Most weeks I kind of like the hour or so travel each way to unwind, I repeat, 'most weeks',  for when it takes me more than 2 hours to get home, any sort of anger management or therapeutic process I may have gone through in my sessions will be left in pieces along the north circular somewhere along Ealing Common. Today I am stuck; not because of traffic, but because I think I may have drained myself of every ounce of energy (and Pepsi Max) I own. So now I don't actually have the energy to drive home! What to do?! Think I have a bug of some sort and boy is it frustrating me; headache, nausea and the like. So I'm waiting in my car with my heating on, listening to the radio blasting out Nikki Minaj's 'Pound the A...

Feel like my posts are a bit like the buses; none at all and then WOOSH 2 in a row! Have been feeling a little wobbly the past couple of nights; struggling a bit with 'the thoughts' - the ones that seem to want to make me feel I am worthless, the thoughts that tell me that giving up would be a good option and that if I go out running for hours on end, I will feel better. Gah. Once again my rational head is questioning these feelings. I know that I am not worthless, I know that things aren't hopeless and that giving up can never achieve anything. I also know that going for an endless run is not going to solve any problems.  So need to think about how I get through these thoughts: I know I can get through them because I have got through them thousands of times before. This is what recovery sometimes has to be - two steps forward and one step back (and NOT vice versa) Feeling low does not mean I am back to square one. Feeling low is a part of human na...