When Black Becomes a Rainbow

I feel terrible that my last post on here was in August.  Appalling! Sincere apologies for being MIA - have not really felt very clear in my head which makes it difficult to express anything to anyone really. But I will attempt to now. It is  coming close to two years since I started writing on this blog and I want to reflect a little on the time. In many ways it has been an amazing experience.  I have connected with many people I would never have otherwise connected to and have definitely gained confidence. I feel proud that I have given other's a chance to understand a little about the world of mental health and in some cases, given people understanding of what they themself are feeling, giving them a nudge in the direction towards support, help and health. At the beginning each time I received a message regarding my blog I felt a huge sense of achievement; that I had finally found something I was good at, and that maybe my future was a bit c...

Hi all I just wanted to share with you some photos I took in the past week whilst in Cornwall, England. 'Mah rabu ma'asecha Hashem' - 'How great are Your deeds, G-d'. It is amazing to be able to recognise the precision and beauty of these wonders; something I have not always been able to appreciate. I am so grateful to regain this pleasure which can often be taken for granted. Years ago I would have been crying with sadness, unable to see the beauty others seemed to see.  Now, each time I see a rainbow, each time I get a glimpse of a breathtaking sunset or hear the sound of the waves crashing agasint the shore, I feel happiness and contentment.  "Well you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you’re missin' home Only know you love her when you let her go" (Passenger, Let her Go) Without t...

Hey! A rather serious post tonight, but lets start of with the less serious: Can we please appreciate the commitment of my laptop for turning on even though he has a few screws loose.  Literally on its' last legs and can't stand up unaided.  Sad times. Ah well.  As long as it publishes this blogpost I will be happy! Now for the real stuff.  The difficult stuff.  The stuff that you don't want to hear and I don't want to talk about (but I will anyway!). Something that has taken over social media like a whirlwind. I don't know who Robin Williams was. My general knowledge is appalling and I rarely watch TV.  For me it wasn't the life of Robin Williams that affected me, but the tragic death. For those who do not know, Robin Wiliams was a comedian and actor who sadly ended his life yesterday. Apparently there have been people on social media questioning why we should mourn someone who has ended their own life.  Why would we grieve for an ...

It surprises me how I am still taken aback by the power music holds over me. It has the capacity to evoke such strong memories and feelings, often leaving me feeling particularly vulnerable.  It takes me back to old times; and be those times happy or sad, I find myself in floods of tears, unable to remove myself from that place in the past. And each and every time this happens, I find myself wondering how I could have done things differently. This evening, a friend I had met in hospital sent me a link to a music soundtrack she had recorded with her brother just prior to coming into hospital.  The words are of the famous Psalm, 'Mizmor L'Dovid' - 'the song of David'.  I am taken back to that afternoon, sitting in her hospital room, drawing a birthday card for my Mum, singing along to the track.  Almost feeling at peace. I recall suddenly feeling an intense connection to a Higher Being that I had not felt in a long time.  It was then that I realised that ...

Just a quick post today. I just couldnt stop myself from writing. I just want to say how positive I feel right now. I am so grateful for everyone I have in my life and for all that you do.  I wish I could name you on here, but you know who you are! I have such amazing, kind and caring family.  I have supportive and loyal friends, I have a team of professionals who are there for me any time.   I feel more confident and self-sufficient living in my own place and I just thank G-d that I have landed myself in the garden of such a kind and welcoming family.  I can't think of many flat rentals that involve open meal invitations and birthday presents! I also can't stop thinking about the Hashgacha Protis (Divine Providence) in this whole stage of my life.  One of the main reasons I felt comfortable to move in to this place was because someone I know sung praise of the family non stop.  This person is someone who I know originally from when I was in hospit...

So after a hectic few weeks, I have finally managed to sit down and actually write an update.  First of all, I welcome you to my new pad: It is a lovely little place at the back of the garden of a lovely family!  It is definitely a move in the right direction and I feel like at last something is shifting.  I was stuck in a very rigid, draconian timetable with so many (self-made) rules I had to follow. Just being in a different environment has given me more space in my head. I just need to be careful not to start writing another long list of rules! Although one can never escape from oneself, and moving around or running away is not the answer to one's problems, it is written in the Talmud 'Meshane Makom Meshana Mazel' - meaning that if you change where you dwell, you can change your destiny. Of course we can't blame all our problems on our dwelling place, but with somewhere different we can start afresh. Please G-d this move will lead to bigger chang...

Wow! I had such an amazing response to my last post. It is obviously a topic that is close to many people's hearts. Someone commented that it isn't individual teachers that are the ones who can change the situation in the schools and I agree - to a degree . But remember every individual has the power to turn someone's life around.  And in response to 'you are trying to change a culture that is slowly changing' - that is exactly my aim!!!! Also: No one person is going to save the young people. But as a group? I wouldn't even say it was just about the teachers looking out for those struggling, but bringing in various professionals to come into the school to speak about what mental illness means and how it may show in different people. It may mean that either a pupil goes up to someone and says they feel they may have the illness. It may mean that a friend sees the illness in another and opens up the conversation. It may mean that there is a ch...

Ok so today's post is going to be a small rant on the subject of schools (a topic I am sure someone more educated (no pun intended) and more knowledgeable that me could write about, but I'll do my best!).  Before I start I should say that I fully admire anyone who works in a school. The amount of work that goes into such a job is unbelievable. No one should take this in the way that teachers/schools are not appreciated. These are my views and take on the situation and should anyone feel that these are inaccurate, please do not hesitate to let me know. What is going on in the schools that so many young people are being looked over? What happened to 'Chanoch l'naar al pi Darko' - educating each child in the way in which they need to be helped; helping each child reach their individual potential?  There seem to be an increasing number of young people being diagnosed with mental health conditions yet from where I stand, there is still a huge lack of underst...